General Disclaimer

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These jokes do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cats + Don't quote me on that + Don't quote me on anything + All rights reserved + These jokes are distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute these jokes and all their associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from them or include the jokes in commercial publications without giving me some, or at least getting written permission from the President + Other copyright laws for specific jokes apply wherever noted + Jokes are subject to change without notice + Jokes are slightly enlarged to show detail + Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and merely fortuitous + Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat + Jokes in mirror are funnier than they appear + Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle + Your mileage may vary + No substitutions allowed + For a limited time only + This humorous offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted + Humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied + User assumes full liabilities + Not liable for damages due to use or misuse + An equal opportunity joke employer + No shoes, no shirt, no jokes + Quantities are limited while supplies last + If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center + Caveat emptor + Read at your own risk + Parental advisory - explicit lyrics, concepts, ideas + Text may contain jokes some readers may find objectionable + Parental guidance is advised + Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children + Limit one-per-family or so, please + No money down + No purchase necessary + You need not be prescient to win + Some assembly required + Batteries are not included + Action figures sold separately + No preservatives added + Safety goggles may be required during use + Sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken + Call before you dig + For external use only + If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use + Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place + Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes + Use only with adequate ventilation + Avoid contact with mucous membranes + Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit + Do not place near flammable or magnetic source + Smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health + The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh + Text used in these jokes is made from 100% recycled particles + No animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes + No salt, MSG, artificial color, or artificial flavor added + If ingested, do not induce vomiting + If symptoms persist, consult a humorologist + Jokes are ribbed for your pleasure + Slippery when wet + Possible penalties for early withdrawal + Joke offer valid only at participating E-mail or Web sites + Slightly higher west of the Rockies + Some material may be suitable for adults + Allow four to six weeks for delivery + Disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, or flying projectiles + This product is meant for educational purposes only. + Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. + This is work in progress and subject to change. + Void where prohibited by law. + Some assembly required. + List each check separately by bank number. + Batteries not included. + Contents may settle during shipment. + Use only as directed. + No other warranty expressed or implied. + Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. + Postage will be paid by addressee. + Subject to regulatory approval. + This is not an offer to sell securities. + Apply only to affected area. + May be too intense for some viewers. + Do not stamp. + Use other side for additional listings. + For recreational use only. + Do not disturb. + All models over 18 years of age. + If condition persists, consult your physician. + No user-serviceable parts inside. + Freshest if eaten before date on carton. + Subject to change without notice. + Times approximate. + No substitutions. + Simulated picture. + No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. + Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. + Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. + For off-road use only. + As seen on TV. + One size fits all. + Many suitcases look alike. + Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. + Colors may, in time, fade. + We have sent the forms which seem right for you. + Slippery when wet. + No parking. + For office use only. + Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. + Drop in any mailbox. + Edited for television. + Keep cool; process promptly. + No breakfast after 10 am. + Post office will not deliver without postage. + List was current at time of printing. + Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. + Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. + At participating locations only. + Not the Beatles. + Remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete stop and the Captain has switched off the Fasten Seatbelt sign. + Penalty for private use. + See label for sequence. + Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. + Do not write below this line. + Falling rock. + Lost ticket pays maximum rate. + Your canceled check is your receipt. + Add toner. + Place stamp here. + Avoid contact with skin. + Sanitized for your protection. + Be sure each item is properly endorsed. + Sign here without admitting guilt. + Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. + Employees and their families are not eligible. + Past performance is no guarantee of future performance. + Beware of dog. + Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. + Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. + You must be present to win. + For oral use only. + No passes accepted for this engagement. + No purchase necessary. + Celebrity voices impersonated. + Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. + Shading within a garment may occur. + Use only in a well-ventilated area. + Not a sexual lubricant. + Performed by a professional driver on a closed course. + The FDA has not evaluated the suitability of this product for any use. + Keep away from fire or flames. + Replace with same type. + Wash hands before eating. + Approved for veterans. + Keep out of reach of children. + Booths for two or more. + Check here if tax deductible. + Some equipment shown is optional. + For external use only. + Price does not include taxes. + No Canadian coins. + Do not try this at home. + Not recommended for children. + Prerecorded for this time zone. + Reproduction strictly prohibited. + No solicitors. + Shake well before using. + No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified + . Restaurant package, not for resale. + List at least two alternate dates. + First pull up, then pull down. + Do not eat batteries. + Call toll free number before digging. + Take only as directed. + Driver does not carry cash. + Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. + Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. + If condition worsens, discontinue use and consult a physician. + Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. + Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. + Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. + No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. + Package sold by weight, not volume. + This page left intentionally blank. + I just work here. + No exit. + No entry. + No turn. + No habla + Some items have been prepared earlier + Shake before use + Slippery when wet.. + Remove before flight. + Your mileage may vary. + These materials have been prepared for informational purposes only and are not legal advice. + Transmission of the information is not intended to create, and receipt does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship. + Internet subscribers and online readers should not act upon this information without seeking professional counsel. + Use at your own risk. + Customer voluntarily assumes all risks, known and unknown, of any injury, however caused, even if caused in whole or in part by the action, inaction, or negligence of any party, to the full extent allowed by California law. + Other restrictions may apply + If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on. + If you don't like it: tough luck. + This supersedes all previous notices.


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